The opinions in our editorial team are divided on some topics. This time: when your best friend starts dating your ex
In principle, I think the reason for the separation is decisive. If you leave, you still love the other, this constellation can destroy the whole worldview. At the time, I totally disagreed with the breakup and I am still terribly in love. To be abandoned is bad enough in this case, if you add the fact that your best friend is a reason for it, everything collapses. As if lovesickness in itself wasn’t enough, you also lose your best friend and the shoulder to cry on is missing.
And then the thought carousel begins: Since when has this been going on? What did they both do when I wasn’t there? Is he cuddling with her now? Does he pick her up from school / university / work?
If his new one had been a stranger, all these ideas would not have been so concrete and therefore so hurtful. And if a bit of time had passed, the double club might not have hit me quite as hard. But basically for me: The ex is taboo!
When I left my first great love, we both wept bitter tears. We had imagined the future together so rosy. Reality and our two developments in different directions thwarted our plans. After around four years it was time to say good-bye.
At my side during this tough phase: my dearest friend. She handed handkerchiefs, opened the bottle of wine, went to buy cigarettes and held me when I sobbed on her shoulder.
After a few weeks, however, I noticed that something was wrong: When I asked what she had done yesterday, she pushed around. She also asked astonishingly often how I would assess the relationship in retrospect and how I had dealt with its quirks. We’ve known each other since childhood, she couldn’t fool me. And so I spoke directly to her: “Tell me, are you a couple?” Sunk hit. She tearfully confessed that my assumption was correct. They were afraid to tell me and had a terribly guilty conscience.
Was i mad? Sad? Disappointed? No. Two people I love or have loved love each other. That’s beautiful. The feelings only developed after the separation – so no trace of infidelity on his part or betrayal on her part.
The catch: I was the only one in the trio who really took it easy. It took the newly crushed a few months before they could behave normally towards me. And, of course, seeing the two of them holding hands for the first time gave me a pang. But only a very short one. Then the joy prevailed that two wonderful people had found each other.
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